This post is probably TMI

If you ever want to explore the limit and shape of your uterus, stick something in there. (Disclaimer: don't do it without your doctor.)

And this is how internal organs are supposed to work: you are not supposed to notice them at all.

Today, I got my Mirena IUD. Used misoprostol 7 hours before and took 600mg of ibuprofen about 2 hours before my appointment.

Procedure: speculum (not bad), cervical dilator (pinch! and pain. I felt blood rushing somewhere. Felt like fainting), iodine swabs (cool. Kills those germs iodine!). Some kind of measurement of the uterus (when is the cervical dilator coming off? That shit is uncomfortable). IUD insertion. That was when I felt something pushing against the top and sides of the uterus.

I shook afterward. The literature and NP warned me about cramps, but my menstrual cramps never felt this strong. It's more than discomfort. It's pain. If the uterus had a voice, I'm sure it was screaming, "Get this shit out of me now you bastard!"

I cried. Couldn't help it. Tears just rolled down my face. I thought of yoga. I thought of breathing. My shaking stopped. For awhile at least. Enough to get dressed and walk out of there.

Got to the parking lot. Had to sit down and put my head between my knees at one point because I felt my peripheral vision going. That happened a few times between the hospital and home. I thought of cops and being pulled over because I didn't put my seatbelt on. If they dared to do that, I'd yell at them. Or maybe I'll just make my point by throwing up on them.

Home. Curled up in my blanket and tried to ignore my silently screaming uterus. I questioned whether this was worth it. How I am such chickenshit that I'd rather die than continue experiencing this. Balm of sleep.

Hours later, cramps now dulled to less than normal. I can even roll out of bed and sit up without a blanket around me.

In other news, languages. I know Mandarin, English, Shanghainese, a little bit of French, Spanish, and Japanese. I've decided that since I'm going back to China, I'll need to brush up on my Chinese. Found a Chinese bookstore at the back of 99 Ranch, full of educational materials. Apparently they've been there for six years. The prices are great. I picked out a fourth grade Chinese book that kids would use in school as well as a book with Chinese idioms and their stories for $11. The latter suits my needs quite well. I can learn idioms, the original classical Chinese source, modern Chinese translation as well as English translation. My goal is to be able to reader better and faster in Chinese, close to my reading speed in English. And I found an awesome Chinese-English dictionary. It allows you to look up characters by writing, pinyin, and shows you keystrokes as well. Maybe now I can go back to my Fifty-two weeks of Zhuangzi.