The epic saga of trying to mail my cousin her f'ing wedding present

Characters: on my dad's side, let's randomly assign my grandmother's generation as the P generation. My father's generation as F1 generation and my generation as F2. In the P generation, my grandmother married three times. Her first husband died of something when my dad was still young. She had three kids with him: my dad, my uncle, and my aunt. She then married an abusive man and had one son with him. Divorced him and married another one who died just this year. F1: my father, my uncle, my aunt, and the half-brother. F2 (this is going to be easy because of the one-child policy) from oldest to youngest: My uncle's daughter, Xiaxia, my aunt's daughter, Weiwei, yours truly, and the daughter from the half-brother (I don't even know her name).

Xiaxia recently got married in May. Due to some craziness in my life, I didn't get her wedding present to her in time. No matter, I am bad at giving people presents anyway, I buy them, but don't give them. Anyway, so I finally got her her present, a pair of Kris bears from Swarovski.

Super cute (right?), fitting, name-brand, which Xiaxia values, and decently within my budget. Got her a pretty card from Papyrus. All I need is an address. Anyone would think the hard part is over right? If it was that easy, this post would not exist.

I email Weiwei because she's the only one whom I remotely keep in touch with. By keeping in touch with, I mean that I write her emails maybe twice every 2-3 years. Honestly I don't even like her that much because she was pretty mean to me when I was little. I only communicate with her because she is the only one familiar with English. Tangent. Back to saga. I ask Weiwei for Xiaxia's physical address. She replies saying that it's better if I directly communicate with my oldest cousin, giving me the phone number and mentioning that she passed on my message and gave Xiaxia my email.

Thinking she might not have understood what physical address meant, I wrote another email to her around a month later (because I really couldn't think of anything else to write, that's a whole other story), elaborating and rephrasing my original request. This time, no reply from Weiwei, but the next day I get an email from Xiaxia in Chinese. Roughly translated: "I heard that you want to send me something, you don't really need to. I'll be happy with an electronic post card or an email. Hug hug kiss kiss. Best! blah blah..." The cuteness, whether genuine or disingenuous kills me. Makes me want to strangle a kitten.

Ok. I already bought the fucking present. What the fuck does it mean I don't need to send it?

Went home to LA to enlist the help of the parents, who promptly im's Weiwei. Facepalm. Who replies that no one short of Xiaxia's parents and Xiaxia apparently knows where she lives. Wtf. I just want to point out that this is fairly unusual because my aunt and uncle are pretty close. Plus, there's my grandma. None of whom knows the address. Meaning that since Xiaxia got married in May, no one has visited? Very strange.

Then from my mother, I learned that Xiaxia is mad at grandma because she had asked grandma to give her the apartment that grandma was living in (there is another apartment that grandma can live in). Grandma said no, because she wants to pass it on to John, since he's the only grandson. Xiaxia is unhappy about it and hasn't called/talked to grandma since the wedding. *insert exasperated swearing*

As it stands, I am fairly tempted to write our eldest that I don't give a shit about her physical address. Just give me any fucking address where she will be able to pick up her damn wedding present. I'd like to wash my hands of the whole thing already.

(Final note of clarification: I am not angry, though I might sound like it. Just amused as the ridiculousness of the whole situation. I'm sure cultural differences have something to do with it. This became a running joke between my brother and me the entire weekend.)