Post talk

Luis and I had a long talk last night about some hypothetical situations to work out some feelings. He really surprised me in the way he actually seemed in charge of his own thoughts and being able to articulate them. It's like the original Sleeping Beauty story of the thick wall of rose thorns surrounding the castle opening for the prince after 100 year. Scary, but exciting at the same time. I finally felt like I was speaking with another human being.

Anyway, during the discussion, I realized that I love posing hypothetical questions because they can be as realistic or unrealistic as I want them to be. Like scientific experiments, I can change one variable while holding all others constant to test out hypotheses.

Afterwards, I feel more motivated for studying my MCAT as well. I am tired of the way things are. I am really ready to move on. I am tired of living in fear. Fear of diminishing potential. It's time to gather up what I have and just run with it. Now is not too late.

Self-flagellation.

During my break today, I broke off a chipped piece of my hand lotion container. As I was playing with it, I had the most natural but crazy idea that I should eat that thing. No health insurance, no perforated intestine.

Speaking of health insurance, I was looking at our crazy health insurance plan at work. If I wanted to buy insurance for myself, health + vision + dental = $25 and some odd cents/pay period. Family plan will be about $400-$500/pay period. Flexible health spending accounts (or my pre-tax money designated for health spendings) will expire each year if I don't use them, covers vasectomies, but not reverse vasectomies. I don't understand why my pre-tax money from my wages will expire if I don't use it. Why can't I save up for the eventuality that I will use them in the future when I'm fucking old, or some pre-existing condition decided to stage a coup d'etat on my body, or cancer showing up and I need more money than I can save up in one year (not possible btw, the not having enough for co-pays, because bb's gonna be rich enough to not have to worry about that, or marry military or ex-)? If I don't use them, then I should have the option of taking the money out of the account taxed the same way IRAs are taxed, or something similar.

But, no matter what, once you decide to tie your tubes, you can't go back. Or rather, you can, but we won't pay for it. Ha ha.

Crepuscular. Such an unromantic sounding word for such a magical time of day. What the hell is wrong with it?

There are tadpoles swimming in the seasonal ponds in back of dog park. Luis and I wanted to catch some and see what they become.

Finally got our bed (mattress and frame) today. Strange/weird as it may make me, I am rather sad at its presence in the apartment. Perhaps I am so traumatized by the last bed that I am wary of any bed. I prefer sleeping on the floor where the "mattress" will never be bent out of shape and neither will I. Plus, it motivates me to vacuum the apartment at least once every two weeks.